Tuesday, March 10, 2009


last night i spanked a midterm exam. bent that thing right over my left knee and gave it a new name. turning it in, i walked straight up the teacher, stapled the pages, and said, "you're welcome." shazam!

okay, i didn't really say, "you're welcome." i think i said, "i hope this works out." she said, "i'm sure you did fine." and i said, "thanks for the vote of confidence." i always sound way better in what i should have said than what i actually say.

still, to celebrate the victory of the test, i stopped by the local debauch depot and picked up a single bottle of this here brooklyn brewery's lager. that's all they call it: "lager." i mean, i'm not sure what else you could call it, but that's the simple and sweet of it.

here's my story. i bought this beer to celebrate my midterm. and i bought this beer because i had neVer tasted it, making it a fine addition to the beer club menu here. however, like a big giant hippo in a glass knicker-knocker shop, i tipped that bottle plum over on the counter top and lost half the beer under my tea-bag box. son of a bitch! i did say that. i always say exactly what i shouldn't say.

i had just enough of my wasted celebration beer to decide i was glad to not have the whole thing. this beer did not move me to kool and the gang sing-a-longs. brooklyn brewery's lager is woefully british, and not in the ways i'm learning to love the british ale. it was yeasty and twangy, crying out more for turkey and mayo than pretzels and mustard. the malts also tasted inappropriately heavy, allowing the hops to peep up glimmer a peering brow over the edge but never making a full appearance. i did not like this. i would not drink it with the queen, i would drinking it from her spleen.

luckily, my friend josh gave me a bottle of mighty arrow later in the evening. it was delish. and i celebrated mighty arrow shagging my taste buds as much i had hoped brooklyn brewery to celebrate my spanking of the midterm. beer drinking can be so naughty. at least, drinking the right beer can be.


  1. Broadly speaking, there are only two kinds of beer... ales and lagers. Every beer has to be one or the other. The point being, it's about as generic of a term as you can get. If the best they can describe their beer is "lager", that's a red flag (the obvious exception to the rule being Sam Adams BOSTON lager). It's like saying there are two general types of automobiles... cars and trucks. Then Chevy releases a new model and calls it "Chevrolet Car". Doesn't instill much confidence in what lies ahead. Seems you've been taking a LOT for the team lately. Can I steer you to some can't miss goodies to get you back on track? I humbly submit the finest IPA's that a citrus-loving hop-head can ever hope to taste:
    1. Bell's 2-Hearted Ale - As good as it gets.
    2. O'Dell IPA - I generally dislike EVERYTHING from O'Dell because of their insistence upon making it taste British. But they broke the mold with this one and Americanized it to a legend in its own time.
    3. Mojo IPA from Boulder Beer - When nothing but a big ol' heaping pile of grapefruity Amarillo hops will get your tastebuds to reach orgasm, reach for this beer.

  2. sir scott - i look forward to big tasting beers and build your own sixers. the best beer store in town has a small rack of domestic beers sold in individual bottles, with the occasional craft brew tossed in for posterity. (or because 1 bottles in the pack got busted). that means the only way i can try anything is to shell out nearly ten bones for a whole sixer. not gonna happen. out of the blue this brooklyn brewery lager showed up, and i just knew knew knew it was going to be overly british and yeasty. and it was. and i'm sad. but the bottle was less than 2 bucks. so, you know, there's that.

    next week will be like returning to the mecca.

  3. Hamster, you know there's always Hite. You can drop a smokin two bucks for a 22 oz.

    You had quite the double whammy there. Spilled beer. Crap beer. Man that sucks. Makes Mighty Arrow quite the treasure.

  4. Clint "The Steam" NewlanMarch 10, 2009 at 4:08 PM

    Lest we forget about the "Steam" beer...the El Camino of the beer world. A beer fermented with lager yeast, but at ale temperatures.

    By the way, McCoys Pils is my favorite lager at this juncture.

    I miss you Hamster.